And, I thought my spirituality was a separate entity from my expression of Judaism... I just wasn't feeling spiritually inspired from my separate dishes or preparing for Pesach or paying the tuition of a Jewish day school.
But, today, I went to a class led by the Rabbi of my shul. We are in the midst of the Counting of the Omer - the time beginning on the second day of Passover and lasting until Shavuot. Passover marks the time of our physical liberation, our exodus from Egypt, and Shavuot is the day we received the Torah from G-d.
The Omer, which we are in the midst of, is a time of "mourning" for the Jews. This marks the time Rabbi Akiva lost 24,000 of his students - in one month. Every time there is a "community mourning" in Judaism - such as this current time and that which occurs to commemorate the destruction of the Bait Hamikdash (Temple) - our lesson is one of interpersonal relationships.
It is a time to set aside our "ego" and connect with our "soul". "You cannot have a relationship with G-d," Rabbi Shoshan said, "unless you have relationships with people."
What's funny is that I began my conversations about spirituality with a friend last night and continued in another conversation with my business partner today, right before the class.
In a conversation stemming from the exploration of self-judgment and how that plays a role in our lives, we determined that the first step into spirituality (within motherhood, of course) is to be in a "judgment free zone".
Now, you have to understand what this means - because without judgment, we would have no movement, no personal development, no growth - and that's not exactly the kind of life most of us want.
Just by the nature of being human, we judge. You have to judge things in order to be able to determine if something is right for you or not. When you make a decision about what is right for you, you are making a judgment that the other choices are "wrong".
We also cannot avoid passing judgment about our own actions and - we, mothers - tend to be very critical of ourselves. It is difficult to survive unjudged in this world of "fast paced we can and will do it all". We can - no doubt about it. But, that doesn't come without consequences.
Essentially, what needs to take place is an observation - or awareness - as my business partner was told by her Life Coach. We need to observe our judgments and let them go. We need to monitor our judgments and attempt to phrase them in the positive and not the negative. And, as I recently read somewhere, we need to give ourselves credit each day for all that we've done rather than beat ourselves up for all that we did wrong.
Setting aside our ego is part of that first step into spirituality. And, for mothers, that is something that occurs naturally the second you became a mother. The ego-driven life we are accustomed to living is altered. We now have this being who depends on us for everything, and we are required to set aside our own "needs" to respond to the needs of the baby. A mother relinquishes some of her ego-driven behavior almost by default and, at the same time, may feel resentment (subconsciously or consciously) in regards to this change.
This is where the struggle within motherhood begins to take place. Our identities are completely transformed. We are entering this world of deep giving, bigger purpose and less control... is that spirituality? We begin to redefine ourselves. And, if we do it right - meaning, we go beyond the ego-self and it's needs - we may be able to embrace the divinity that exists in motherhood.
If what my Rabbi said is true and it's all about interpersonal relationships - there is no better learning platform than the relationship of mother and child.
We're on our way.
May 7, 2008
April 26, 2008
I'm Going In...
I have been known to say that "motherhood is a spiritual journey - so incredibly deep that I cannot quite put my finger on it or tell you anything concrete that would indicate I am a woman/mother of great depth".
I have also happily created and am eager to devote more of my time to my life coaching business ON THE VERGE OF ME (www.onthevergeofme.com) which focuses on balance, sanity and finding oneself within motherhood (my words - not the word of our business - go to the website for that).
The two abruptly collided while I was in Utah at Red Mountain Spa (www.redmountainspa.com) celebrating the 40th birthday of my friend-sister of 37 years. I had a Native American Card Reading done while I was there. I won't go into the fascinating details but it boils down to - "You're spiritually depleted."
Eureka! That was the feeling I experienced when she said that to me. Duh! Here I am working so hard on maintaining balance (while also acknowledging that there is typically something out of balance because there is always something to work on - we're never done), and I "completely forgot about my spiritual self".
How do I find it, define it and nurture it? That is the remaining question.
The definition I like best for spiritual is "showing great refinement and concern for the higher things in life". But, just as finding a website, a book, or a thought on spirituality and motherhood are nearly impossible, coming up with a definition of what spirituality truly means and how to make it active in your life is just as difficult.
Spirit, according to the dictionary on my computer, "is a vital force that characterizes someone as being alive". Certainly, you don't need to possess a concern for the higher things in life in order to have spirit within. And, what are the "higher things" that are referred to in the above definition?
In my earlier years, I read books such as The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, The Celestine Prophecy and Mutant Message. I felt they all nurtured my soul, gave me greater purpose and made me feel connected to something larger than myself. They were life-transforming, inspirational and contained messages I wanted to ring true from my own life.
Later, I read The Tao of Pooh, The Rich Man's Secret and The Alchemist. With my mouth open wide, I said "yes, this is what life is about." But, I'm not sure I can pinpoint the changes that came from reading those books.
Does there need to be a conscious transformation in order to experience growth from reading a book? And, what kind of spiritual growth does reading these books actually stimulate? I still feel a fondness toward them and a tie that connects me. I know they played an important part in my life and the development of who I am? But, who am I? Did motherhood erase all that I was? Perhaps, I should start reading them again - from the beginning.
More recently, I've read The Mother Dance and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. I'm not sure if they've been spiritually motivating, but they have been a refreshing, entertaining and supportive look at motherhood.
So, where does the spirituality lie within motherhood? How does one connect with her inner essence while changing diapers? And, who isn't too tired to recall their ultimate purpose when dragging their toddler back to his bed for the tenth time in 23 minutes? And, how do you remain connected with something greater than yourself when your Self has been touched, prodded and poked since 5am in the morning, when your Self - in the one minute you had alone - fell asleep watching Rachael Ray on TV only to be awoken by the prodding and poking of a child who escaped from his crib, when your Self has been cooking, cleaning, driving, straightening, chasing, laundering while simultaneously making decisions for the all-important future of someone whose fate lies in your hands?
Recently, I tried standing in yoga position while doing the dishes. I ended up being the enemy in a Star Wars reenactment with my 7-year old and trying to maintain my balance while lowering my arms to fire. I also tried chanting while making my bed. But, my almost 3-year old thought I was playing a game of Air Guitar Hero and started singing "Slow Ride" louder than I could chant. Tomorrow, I was thinking about leading a guided meditation for the family. But, every time I tell my children to close their eyes and go to their happy place, they start screaming about wanting to go to Disney Land.
So, the task at hand is a hefty one - to a) define what spirituality is, b) determine how to bring it to the forefront in the everyday life of a mother, and c) build a bridge between the two.
Get ready - because we're going in - in deep.
I have also happily created and am eager to devote more of my time to my life coaching business ON THE VERGE OF ME (www.onthevergeofme.com) which focuses on balance, sanity and finding oneself within motherhood (my words - not the word of our business - go to the website for that).
The two abruptly collided while I was in Utah at Red Mountain Spa (www.redmountainspa.com) celebrating the 40th birthday of my friend-sister of 37 years. I had a Native American Card Reading done while I was there. I won't go into the fascinating details but it boils down to - "You're spiritually depleted."
Eureka! That was the feeling I experienced when she said that to me. Duh! Here I am working so hard on maintaining balance (while also acknowledging that there is typically something out of balance because there is always something to work on - we're never done), and I "completely forgot about my spiritual self".
How do I find it, define it and nurture it? That is the remaining question.
The definition I like best for spiritual is "showing great refinement and concern for the higher things in life". But, just as finding a website, a book, or a thought on spirituality and motherhood are nearly impossible, coming up with a definition of what spirituality truly means and how to make it active in your life is just as difficult.
Spirit, according to the dictionary on my computer, "is a vital force that characterizes someone as being alive". Certainly, you don't need to possess a concern for the higher things in life in order to have spirit within. And, what are the "higher things" that are referred to in the above definition?
In my earlier years, I read books such as The Way of the Peaceful Warrior, The Celestine Prophecy and Mutant Message. I felt they all nurtured my soul, gave me greater purpose and made me feel connected to something larger than myself. They were life-transforming, inspirational and contained messages I wanted to ring true from my own life.
Later, I read The Tao of Pooh, The Rich Man's Secret and The Alchemist. With my mouth open wide, I said "yes, this is what life is about." But, I'm not sure I can pinpoint the changes that came from reading those books.
Does there need to be a conscious transformation in order to experience growth from reading a book? And, what kind of spiritual growth does reading these books actually stimulate? I still feel a fondness toward them and a tie that connects me. I know they played an important part in my life and the development of who I am? But, who am I? Did motherhood erase all that I was? Perhaps, I should start reading them again - from the beginning.
More recently, I've read The Mother Dance and I Was a Better Mother Before I Had Kids. I'm not sure if they've been spiritually motivating, but they have been a refreshing, entertaining and supportive look at motherhood.
So, where does the spirituality lie within motherhood? How does one connect with her inner essence while changing diapers? And, who isn't too tired to recall their ultimate purpose when dragging their toddler back to his bed for the tenth time in 23 minutes? And, how do you remain connected with something greater than yourself when your Self has been touched, prodded and poked since 5am in the morning, when your Self - in the one minute you had alone - fell asleep watching Rachael Ray on TV only to be awoken by the prodding and poking of a child who escaped from his crib, when your Self has been cooking, cleaning, driving, straightening, chasing, laundering while simultaneously making decisions for the all-important future of someone whose fate lies in your hands?
Recently, I tried standing in yoga position while doing the dishes. I ended up being the enemy in a Star Wars reenactment with my 7-year old and trying to maintain my balance while lowering my arms to fire. I also tried chanting while making my bed. But, my almost 3-year old thought I was playing a game of Air Guitar Hero and started singing "Slow Ride" louder than I could chant. Tomorrow, I was thinking about leading a guided meditation for the family. But, every time I tell my children to close their eyes and go to their happy place, they start screaming about wanting to go to Disney Land.
So, the task at hand is a hefty one - to a) define what spirituality is, b) determine how to bring it to the forefront in the everyday life of a mother, and c) build a bridge between the two.
Get ready - because we're going in - in deep.
April 11, 2008
the 7-year old still has young funnies
Tonight, David held out a spoon and asked Ilan if he wanted some (sorbet). Ilan replied, "I don't like roseberry sorbet." :)
Just when I thought he was too old for the young funnies.
Isaac wants to eat the "hula loops" that we bought for passover. (fruit loops)
He also had a pain in his hube the other day - that is the rear part of the hip.
Aaron likes to read the book "Hippos Go Deserk". Every time I read Beserk, he corrects me.
I told Isaac this morning that we had to go pick up some papers from Mr House. He asked some questions that I didn't quite understand and grunted my answers as I do when he does his typical non-stop, often nonsensical chatter. When we pulled up and parked in front of the building, he asked, "Where's his face?"
Then it hit me. He thought we were going to see Mr. House, a house. "Oh.", I said, "Mr House is a person, not a building. Isn't that silly? A person is named House."
He was very pleased to meet Mr House.
Just when I thought he was too old for the young funnies.
Isaac wants to eat the "hula loops" that we bought for passover. (fruit loops)
He also had a pain in his hube the other day - that is the rear part of the hip.
Aaron likes to read the book "Hippos Go Deserk". Every time I read Beserk, he corrects me.
I told Isaac this morning that we had to go pick up some papers from Mr House. He asked some questions that I didn't quite understand and grunted my answers as I do when he does his typical non-stop, often nonsensical chatter. When we pulled up and parked in front of the building, he asked, "Where's his face?"
Then it hit me. He thought we were going to see Mr. House, a house. "Oh.", I said, "Mr House is a person, not a building. Isn't that silly? A person is named House."
He was very pleased to meet Mr House.
March 28, 2008
##!!%%!!!
When a mother reaches out from a bad day, it is only another mother who can fully understand her. When she tries to describe the incidents and moments that brought her to the brink of insanity, she is incapable of helping the listener to feel what she felt in that moment. Unless, of course, the listener is another mother. In that case, the mere sound of exasperation draws out memories of similar moments.
“Oh, yes. I know those days,” she might say. She is able to recall how devastating the moments can be, how much energy they take to get through, how it takes everything she has not to lose it. She can surely empathize, but when you’re not in the moment, you can’t truly feel it. And, that’s a good thing – or the mommies in the moment would have no one to call.
I recently started writing a column for a far-reaching women’s website. I am the editor for a particular component of the site and part of my responsibilities are to participate in a forum connected to my site’s topic. It is also beneficial for me to participate in other topic’s forums.
When you enter the forums of BellaOnline, recent posts are listed in the right-hand column. Often, the topic titles sound interesting to me, and I click on them. Quite often, in the last few weeks, the titles that I have found intriguing have led me to the CF forum – that’s child-free, for those of you who don’t know.
For a while, I read the topic on “why do you WANT to have children?” and felt like a voyeur, reading the inner thoughts and outer judgments of married women who do not have children. I felt the aggravation they went through when people continuously asked them when they were going to have children or told them how selfish they were for not wanting children. Some of the posts lashed out at the child-rearing women of the world who wanted children because “that’s what you do after you get married” or “they wanted someone to be there to take care of them when they were older” or “they wanted to leave behind a legacy”.
I couldn’t take it anymore. My response went something like this: “Hi Everyone. I’m a bit nervous to be posting here. I have four children ages 7, almost 6, almost 3 and 18 months (am I scaring you already?). I just wanted to say that I do not understand the choice of not wanting children, but I do not judge it. I also think that the reasons your friends are giving you for having children sound ridiculous and shallow. Perhaps, if they thought longer, there reasons would lie a bit deeper. Then again, perhaps not. I always knew I wanted to have children. I enjoyed babysitting, working at summer camps and helping underprivileged and difficult children from an early age…. “ I went on to give my own personal reasons for wanting to be a mother and raise children. You can think of your own reasons.
I also went on to say that my experience with motherhood has been a profoundly deep spiritual journey – one that I cannot quite name in concrete terms – but that it challenges all of my weaknesses and causes me to think about my actions on a much deeper level. Because I do not have a lot of free time, I have to really think about the things that are important to me and ensure that I carve out time for them. I do not have the luxury of just going through the motions with no identified purpose or goal.
I thanked them for allowing me to be a part of the conversation and hoped that I provided them with some new insight. That conversation is STILL going on. It has gone from thanking me for sharing to complaints about mothers with children not having time to recycle (why are we recycling, the CF women say, when we don’t even have children to save the planet for), to women talking about how they have time to volunteer and give to charity and give to the community and raise stranded dogs because they do not have children and the subsequent financial responsibilities to worry about.
Is it conversation? Is it defensiveness? Do people with children really judge that CF people that harshly? From my perspective, I made up my mind to have children and I don’t really need to list the reasons why for anyone. I’m confident enough with my decision that what you think really doesn’t matter to me. Is it because I am in the majority that the situation is not difficult? Is it the same as the annoying question “trying for a girl?” that I kept getting when I was pregnant the fourth time? (we had three boys first)… If that’s the case, you come up with your smart ass comeback and be done with it “no, we’re trying for twin boys.” I didn’t feel the need to list all the reasons WHY I was not specifically trying for a girl.
All that being said, did I mention that I don’t much like being a mother today? It has been an overwhelming, stress filled, crying child makes you leave the store without buying anything, get nothing done, children bickering with each other, me just kind of standing there dumb-witted kind of day…. But I never once thought that I’d like to be child-free. I just don’t care for my job today. I’m tired. My children are driving me crazy. I’m losing my patience and not entirely happy with my reactions. But, this is life… and it’s just a bad day.
“Oh, yes. I know those days,” she might say. She is able to recall how devastating the moments can be, how much energy they take to get through, how it takes everything she has not to lose it. She can surely empathize, but when you’re not in the moment, you can’t truly feel it. And, that’s a good thing – or the mommies in the moment would have no one to call.
I recently started writing a column for a far-reaching women’s website. I am the editor for a particular component of the site and part of my responsibilities are to participate in a forum connected to my site’s topic. It is also beneficial for me to participate in other topic’s forums.
When you enter the forums of BellaOnline, recent posts are listed in the right-hand column. Often, the topic titles sound interesting to me, and I click on them. Quite often, in the last few weeks, the titles that I have found intriguing have led me to the CF forum – that’s child-free, for those of you who don’t know.
For a while, I read the topic on “why do you WANT to have children?” and felt like a voyeur, reading the inner thoughts and outer judgments of married women who do not have children. I felt the aggravation they went through when people continuously asked them when they were going to have children or told them how selfish they were for not wanting children. Some of the posts lashed out at the child-rearing women of the world who wanted children because “that’s what you do after you get married” or “they wanted someone to be there to take care of them when they were older” or “they wanted to leave behind a legacy”.
I couldn’t take it anymore. My response went something like this: “Hi Everyone. I’m a bit nervous to be posting here. I have four children ages 7, almost 6, almost 3 and 18 months (am I scaring you already?). I just wanted to say that I do not understand the choice of not wanting children, but I do not judge it. I also think that the reasons your friends are giving you for having children sound ridiculous and shallow. Perhaps, if they thought longer, there reasons would lie a bit deeper. Then again, perhaps not. I always knew I wanted to have children. I enjoyed babysitting, working at summer camps and helping underprivileged and difficult children from an early age…. “ I went on to give my own personal reasons for wanting to be a mother and raise children. You can think of your own reasons.
I also went on to say that my experience with motherhood has been a profoundly deep spiritual journey – one that I cannot quite name in concrete terms – but that it challenges all of my weaknesses and causes me to think about my actions on a much deeper level. Because I do not have a lot of free time, I have to really think about the things that are important to me and ensure that I carve out time for them. I do not have the luxury of just going through the motions with no identified purpose or goal.
I thanked them for allowing me to be a part of the conversation and hoped that I provided them with some new insight. That conversation is STILL going on. It has gone from thanking me for sharing to complaints about mothers with children not having time to recycle (why are we recycling, the CF women say, when we don’t even have children to save the planet for), to women talking about how they have time to volunteer and give to charity and give to the community and raise stranded dogs because they do not have children and the subsequent financial responsibilities to worry about.
Is it conversation? Is it defensiveness? Do people with children really judge that CF people that harshly? From my perspective, I made up my mind to have children and I don’t really need to list the reasons why for anyone. I’m confident enough with my decision that what you think really doesn’t matter to me. Is it because I am in the majority that the situation is not difficult? Is it the same as the annoying question “trying for a girl?” that I kept getting when I was pregnant the fourth time? (we had three boys first)… If that’s the case, you come up with your smart ass comeback and be done with it “no, we’re trying for twin boys.” I didn’t feel the need to list all the reasons WHY I was not specifically trying for a girl.
All that being said, did I mention that I don’t much like being a mother today? It has been an overwhelming, stress filled, crying child makes you leave the store without buying anything, get nothing done, children bickering with each other, me just kind of standing there dumb-witted kind of day…. But I never once thought that I’d like to be child-free. I just don’t care for my job today. I’m tired. My children are driving me crazy. I’m losing my patience and not entirely happy with my reactions. But, this is life… and it’s just a bad day.
March 5, 2008
When Do They Grow Out of the Young Funny?
I haven't written in a while. I posted something that I wrote awhile ago, but I haven't actually written anything new. Does that mean my humorous life as a mother is over? Does it mean my children are no longer cute, delightful and challenging? Does it mean I've been so overwhelmed I haven't been able to think about writing? Or is life overwrought with bad mommy moments I'm too embarrassed to post here?
Isaac (2) likes to say "yay-ha" like a cowboy. He tells me I'm a princess every time I wear a skirt. Oh, and he likes to put on a princess dress and high heel princess shoes and wave his wand around. The other day, he was on one side of the mini-van and I was on the other. I had a dirty diaper that I tossed through the mini-van and out the other door so I could pick it up on my way in. He happened to be playing with a bicycle near where the diaper landed. Right as the diaper flew toward him and landed at his feet, he pushed a "button" on the bicycle. As the diaper landed, Isaac said, "Whoa! That was amazing. I pushed the button and this came."
I told Isaac to blow his sitter a kiss as she was leaving. He leaned in to kiss her, so she leaned i too. And, Isaac blew.
That same sitter was holding Isaac as his mouth was full of food. Isaac was trying to talk and was stuttering, and Amber told him to "spit it out." He did.
Aaron (5... and three quarters) has his own fantastic vocabulary and a great mind. David - my husband - told Aaron that he had the same brain as him - the same chemistry, meaning that they think in the same way and sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. Aaron asked David to write that down so he wouldn't forget.
Aaron likes to put croakidges (cartridges) in the V-Smile when he plays video games.
The other night, Aaron came into the kitchen and asked me how to spell "do" as in "I do not". I told him and he left. He returned, asking how to spell "not" as in "I do not like". He left and came back. "How do you spell like?" I told him and he left again. He came back once more with a sign in his hand that said "I DO NOT LIKE MOMMY", and asked for some tape and for me to help him hang the sign. (I had said no to something earlier, and he was mad). I did not help him hang the sign, explaining that it was mean and I was not going to give him MY tape to hang his sign. I understood that he was angry but I couldn't help him with the sign. He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sign that said "I love Mommy" with a nice pink heart next to mommy.
Ellie is 16 months. She has no trouble surviving with three older brothers - in fact, she rules the roost, torments them and can make three of them cry whenever she chooses. Ellie climbs up onto the fireplace ledge as the boys did - but she actually goes in and plays with the soot if we don't move fast enough. She touches the light switch as she watches you approach, and then when you get really close to her, she licks it. She likes to play outside and the second you walk outside, she books down the sidewalk to the street. We have a small child-sized couch in front of our larger couch in the family room. She pushes the small one up against the big one and climbs on up. She climbs onto the little tables too and step stools and storage boxes... and then she grunts until you realize she is calling you because she needs help getting down. We call her Trouble, affectionately, of course, and she sure likes to cause it.
Ilan may be leaving that Young-Funny stage. His innocence is still very present but it comes across in the way he thinks about life. Like, right now, he is raising money for a School Walk for Diabetes, and he wrote his own letter to everyone explaining why he is doing it. He thinks it all through and believes if he can raise his money, then they can get rid of diabetes (if we had enough people who believed that, we probably could).
When he did a book report on puffer fish, he was asked how a puffer fish might get out of a cave or a tunnel if they swam into one. Ilan responded "with their eyes." duh.
Last April (just to show you it's fading), Ilan was eating dinner and said, "Mommy, I think there's something wrong with me."
"What Ilan?" I asked.
"Well," he replied, " whenever I eat a hotdog, I take a bite and I think about it, and I feel like I'm eating very slowly but then I look down and it's gone."
I suggested he start eating two hotdogs for dinner instead of one.
Oh, they are funny! And, I know that I will regret not writing down ALL the funny things they do and say. They each have journals (well, not Ellie - I haven't bought her one yet) and my intention was to write all this stuff down in them. But, I haven't done so in awhile... as you can tell from my Ilan story from last April.
I hope he keeps the Young-Funny for a bit longer. And, I hope I keep the Before-Forty-Brain and remember to write the Funnies down so I can enjoy them over and over.
Isaac (2) likes to say "yay-ha" like a cowboy. He tells me I'm a princess every time I wear a skirt. Oh, and he likes to put on a princess dress and high heel princess shoes and wave his wand around. The other day, he was on one side of the mini-van and I was on the other. I had a dirty diaper that I tossed through the mini-van and out the other door so I could pick it up on my way in. He happened to be playing with a bicycle near where the diaper landed. Right as the diaper flew toward him and landed at his feet, he pushed a "button" on the bicycle. As the diaper landed, Isaac said, "Whoa! That was amazing. I pushed the button and this came."
I told Isaac to blow his sitter a kiss as she was leaving. He leaned in to kiss her, so she leaned i too. And, Isaac blew.
That same sitter was holding Isaac as his mouth was full of food. Isaac was trying to talk and was stuttering, and Amber told him to "spit it out." He did.
Aaron (5... and three quarters) has his own fantastic vocabulary and a great mind. David - my husband - told Aaron that he had the same brain as him - the same chemistry, meaning that they think in the same way and sometimes it's a good thing and sometimes it's not. Aaron asked David to write that down so he wouldn't forget.
Aaron likes to put croakidges (cartridges) in the V-Smile when he plays video games.
The other night, Aaron came into the kitchen and asked me how to spell "do" as in "I do not". I told him and he left. He returned, asking how to spell "not" as in "I do not like". He left and came back. "How do you spell like?" I told him and he left again. He came back once more with a sign in his hand that said "I DO NOT LIKE MOMMY", and asked for some tape and for me to help him hang the sign. (I had said no to something earlier, and he was mad). I did not help him hang the sign, explaining that it was mean and I was not going to give him MY tape to hang his sign. I understood that he was angry but I couldn't help him with the sign. He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a sign that said "I love Mommy" with a nice pink heart next to mommy.
Ellie is 16 months. She has no trouble surviving with three older brothers - in fact, she rules the roost, torments them and can make three of them cry whenever she chooses. Ellie climbs up onto the fireplace ledge as the boys did - but she actually goes in and plays with the soot if we don't move fast enough. She touches the light switch as she watches you approach, and then when you get really close to her, she licks it. She likes to play outside and the second you walk outside, she books down the sidewalk to the street. We have a small child-sized couch in front of our larger couch in the family room. She pushes the small one up against the big one and climbs on up. She climbs onto the little tables too and step stools and storage boxes... and then she grunts until you realize she is calling you because she needs help getting down. We call her Trouble, affectionately, of course, and she sure likes to cause it.
Ilan may be leaving that Young-Funny stage. His innocence is still very present but it comes across in the way he thinks about life. Like, right now, he is raising money for a School Walk for Diabetes, and he wrote his own letter to everyone explaining why he is doing it. He thinks it all through and believes if he can raise his money, then they can get rid of diabetes (if we had enough people who believed that, we probably could).
When he did a book report on puffer fish, he was asked how a puffer fish might get out of a cave or a tunnel if they swam into one. Ilan responded "with their eyes." duh.
Last April (just to show you it's fading), Ilan was eating dinner and said, "Mommy, I think there's something wrong with me."
"What Ilan?" I asked.
"Well," he replied, " whenever I eat a hotdog, I take a bite and I think about it, and I feel like I'm eating very slowly but then I look down and it's gone."
I suggested he start eating two hotdogs for dinner instead of one.
Oh, they are funny! And, I know that I will regret not writing down ALL the funny things they do and say. They each have journals (well, not Ellie - I haven't bought her one yet) and my intention was to write all this stuff down in them. But, I haven't done so in awhile... as you can tell from my Ilan story from last April.
I hope he keeps the Young-Funny for a bit longer. And, I hope I keep the Before-Forty-Brain and remember to write the Funnies down so I can enjoy them over and over.
Serious Stuff
If you're looking for a good laugh (at my expense), read no further. This is serious stuff!
I am on my way back from a 7-day retreat ~ away from children, responsibilities, household tasks, phone calls, lunch making, driving to school, driving from school...etc.
I am returning to a day that begins by 5am if not sooner and "ends", hopefully, by 8pm (which just means all children are sleeping but doesn't mean it will last through the night). After 8pm comes, I finish cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry, returning email, completing work assignments, making lunches..... if you're a mom - you understand.
Going away for a week was a gift from my husband in honor of my upcoming 40th birthday.
The desire - and subsequently - the need to get away began as December 6th (my birthday) was fast approaching, and I realized I hadn't achieved the personal goals I set out for myself... things like regular exercise, eating healthy, and losing the rest of the baby weight I've been carrying with me the last almost-seven years. I was finding it difficult to achieve my goals and was becoming increasingly desperate to succeed.
I decided to do a 5-day juice fast led by Jill Schneider, a woman who healed herself of malignant cervical cancer through fasting. The fast was taking place in Georgia - my old stomping ground from grad school days - and was a perfect setting for me.
But, I'm not writing to tell you to do a juice fast (though you should). I am writing as a mom who advocates for a mother's self care and commitment to maintaining her identity within motherhood. In my day to day life, I feel like I spend a lot of time focusing on this but my week away was....
TRANSFORMATIONAL
The second I set foot on the plane and realized I was free from obligation, entertaining, working my schedule around the needs of my children - I felt different. I had time to contemplate. As with anything, when we are in the midst of something, it is difficult to obtain a proper view. An elephant in the living room - if you were flat up against it, would it look like an elephant or a gray wall? We often don't realize what a blurry view we are getting.
I knew I needed a break. By the end of the day, I was exhausted (still am - but in a different way). I often didn't have the energy to finish my daily tasks. I didn't have the space or the vision to remember who I was, what I liked to do or what I needed to nurture my self.
So, I'm writing this post (which I'm going to abruptly end) to say that as much as I have advocated for mom self-care in the past, I am going to increase my efforts 100-fold. Because, not only have I learned that it is crucial for your sanity. I have also learned that - upon returning - you are now two weeks behind (doesn't matter how long you were gone for) on laundry, phone calls, homework, children's need, cleaning the house, talking with your husband, etc.... and that the desperate need to "get away" will return much sooner than you would have ever thought.
I am on my way back from a 7-day retreat ~ away from children, responsibilities, household tasks, phone calls, lunch making, driving to school, driving from school...etc.
I am returning to a day that begins by 5am if not sooner and "ends", hopefully, by 8pm (which just means all children are sleeping but doesn't mean it will last through the night). After 8pm comes, I finish cleaning the kitchen, folding the laundry, returning email, completing work assignments, making lunches..... if you're a mom - you understand.
Going away for a week was a gift from my husband in honor of my upcoming 40th birthday.
The desire - and subsequently - the need to get away began as December 6th (my birthday) was fast approaching, and I realized I hadn't achieved the personal goals I set out for myself... things like regular exercise, eating healthy, and losing the rest of the baby weight I've been carrying with me the last almost-seven years. I was finding it difficult to achieve my goals and was becoming increasingly desperate to succeed.
I decided to do a 5-day juice fast led by Jill Schneider, a woman who healed herself of malignant cervical cancer through fasting. The fast was taking place in Georgia - my old stomping ground from grad school days - and was a perfect setting for me.
But, I'm not writing to tell you to do a juice fast (though you should). I am writing as a mom who advocates for a mother's self care and commitment to maintaining her identity within motherhood. In my day to day life, I feel like I spend a lot of time focusing on this but my week away was....
TRANSFORMATIONAL
The second I set foot on the plane and realized I was free from obligation, entertaining, working my schedule around the needs of my children - I felt different. I had time to contemplate. As with anything, when we are in the midst of something, it is difficult to obtain a proper view. An elephant in the living room - if you were flat up against it, would it look like an elephant or a gray wall? We often don't realize what a blurry view we are getting.
I knew I needed a break. By the end of the day, I was exhausted (still am - but in a different way). I often didn't have the energy to finish my daily tasks. I didn't have the space or the vision to remember who I was, what I liked to do or what I needed to nurture my self.
So, I'm writing this post (which I'm going to abruptly end) to say that as much as I have advocated for mom self-care in the past, I am going to increase my efforts 100-fold. Because, not only have I learned that it is crucial for your sanity. I have also learned that - upon returning - you are now two weeks behind (doesn't matter how long you were gone for) on laundry, phone calls, homework, children's need, cleaning the house, talking with your husband, etc.... and that the desperate need to "get away" will return much sooner than you would have ever thought.
February 6, 2008
This is a Test. This is Only a Test.
My time was interrupted by lunchtime. Ellie was up, and my babysitter was still out with Isaac. So it was Ellie, me and a jar of peas. I didn’t want to waste any time – my motto is “As long as I’m doing something, I’m getting it done.” So, I brought over my lunch and decided to interview her.
I posed my first question. “What exactly is spirituality?” She ignored me and looked outside. Or, was that her answer?
My babysitter returned and took Ellie from me. I was left to my own demise. I thought M&M’s might help. They didn’t. I had been struggling with this one for awhile.
My spirituality is kept in a big, green box on the top shelf of the closet in my daughter’s bedroom. It contains records of my soul searching, dreams of changing the world and memoirs of events that I had found spiritually uplifting.
Probably the most extraordinary and life changing event that occurred in my life was the births of my children. Not for the physical experience of birthing and raising children (though that was and continues to be pretty intense) but for the spiritual experience of which I, still, cannot quite put my finger on.
What I do know is that my children observe intently and learn immensely from every action I make. And, that means I have a lot of work to do improving the way I live and ensuring that I am living according to the values I believe in.
I want my children to learn from me - how to respond appropriately when they feel so angry they could explode. I want them to watch me as I take action in the community standing up for the things I believe in. I want them to hear me communicating in a way that allows them to feel comfortable and unafraid of words. I want them to believe that their purpose in this world has a lot do with how they relate to others, what contributions they make to the generations after them and that the bigger picture - though harder to see – is often more important. These are life long lessons and ones I continue to face on a daily basis.
I don’t want my children to feel the wrath of their impatient mama. I don’t want them to be afraid of getting yelled at if they do something wrong. I don’t want them to wonder if their mommy and daddy love each other. I want my children to feel a calm and peacefulness whenever they are in their home. I want them to be ok with making mistakes. I want them to feel they can explore life in their own unique way. I want them to always know how much their mommy and daddy love them.
I don’t want my children to be envious of what other children have or get to do. I don’t want my children to do things only because someone asks them to. I don’t want my children to be waited on hand and foot or to get everything they ask for.
I want to teach my children to appreciate whatever it is that they have- no matter how much or how little. I want my children to take the initiative and to do mitzvoth (good deeds) for others. I want my children to learn that life has rewards and life has disappointments and they can live successfully through both.
Teaching my children how to live and how to strive for higher ground is a difficult task. Therein lies the spiritual journey of motherhood and the harsh reality that we don’t always pay attention to daily life, nor live up to our own expectations. Within the ordinary are such extraordinary moments – each one containing invaluable impact on the generations to follow. Life is the test and finding spirituality is the means with which to survive.
It is a few hours later and my sitter has left. Isaac is asleep and Ellie won’t nap. I didn’t quite reach my thoughts yet. I think the answers lie in the Hershey’s Kisses I’m about to eat....
Don’t cry over spilled peas. Life will hand you many messes. A wet paper towel can clean most of them up in a jiffy.
If you scream loud enough and long enough, someone will answer.
Explore the world as though you are seeing it for the first time. Each moment is a new moment in life and we have the opportunity to seize it or let it pass us by.
It takes persistence to master a task. Whether it’s learning to hold a spoon or learning to be awake through life, success takes persistence.
Balance is hard. Unless you have a big rump like my third born son, it’s not so easy to maintain balance. You have to work at, keep trying and changing positions and make adjustments when necessary.
If you can laugh, you stop crying. We have to take any event and transform it into something that will enable us to grow.
Explore. There are always new things to discover, and things look different from different viewpoints.
Family is important. It’s your foundation for all your life lessons and whether you have bad experiences or good experiences– there is still a lesson inside.
Strong communication is important and so is learning how others around you communicate – what is said and not said, how it is said, what you think someone means and what they really meant.
Pulling hair is not a successful outcome of conflict.
A poopy diaper is just a poopy diaper. There is nothing spiritual about it.
I posed my first question. “What exactly is spirituality?” She ignored me and looked outside. Or, was that her answer?
My babysitter returned and took Ellie from me. I was left to my own demise. I thought M&M’s might help. They didn’t. I had been struggling with this one for awhile.
My spirituality is kept in a big, green box on the top shelf of the closet in my daughter’s bedroom. It contains records of my soul searching, dreams of changing the world and memoirs of events that I had found spiritually uplifting.
Probably the most extraordinary and life changing event that occurred in my life was the births of my children. Not for the physical experience of birthing and raising children (though that was and continues to be pretty intense) but for the spiritual experience of which I, still, cannot quite put my finger on.
What I do know is that my children observe intently and learn immensely from every action I make. And, that means I have a lot of work to do improving the way I live and ensuring that I am living according to the values I believe in.
I want my children to learn from me - how to respond appropriately when they feel so angry they could explode. I want them to watch me as I take action in the community standing up for the things I believe in. I want them to hear me communicating in a way that allows them to feel comfortable and unafraid of words. I want them to believe that their purpose in this world has a lot do with how they relate to others, what contributions they make to the generations after them and that the bigger picture - though harder to see – is often more important. These are life long lessons and ones I continue to face on a daily basis.
I don’t want my children to feel the wrath of their impatient mama. I don’t want them to be afraid of getting yelled at if they do something wrong. I don’t want them to wonder if their mommy and daddy love each other. I want my children to feel a calm and peacefulness whenever they are in their home. I want them to be ok with making mistakes. I want them to feel they can explore life in their own unique way. I want them to always know how much their mommy and daddy love them.
I don’t want my children to be envious of what other children have or get to do. I don’t want my children to do things only because someone asks them to. I don’t want my children to be waited on hand and foot or to get everything they ask for.
I want to teach my children to appreciate whatever it is that they have- no matter how much or how little. I want my children to take the initiative and to do mitzvoth (good deeds) for others. I want my children to learn that life has rewards and life has disappointments and they can live successfully through both.
Teaching my children how to live and how to strive for higher ground is a difficult task. Therein lies the spiritual journey of motherhood and the harsh reality that we don’t always pay attention to daily life, nor live up to our own expectations. Within the ordinary are such extraordinary moments – each one containing invaluable impact on the generations to follow. Life is the test and finding spirituality is the means with which to survive.
It is a few hours later and my sitter has left. Isaac is asleep and Ellie won’t nap. I didn’t quite reach my thoughts yet. I think the answers lie in the Hershey’s Kisses I’m about to eat....
Don’t cry over spilled peas. Life will hand you many messes. A wet paper towel can clean most of them up in a jiffy.
If you scream loud enough and long enough, someone will answer.
Explore the world as though you are seeing it for the first time. Each moment is a new moment in life and we have the opportunity to seize it or let it pass us by.
It takes persistence to master a task. Whether it’s learning to hold a spoon or learning to be awake through life, success takes persistence.
Balance is hard. Unless you have a big rump like my third born son, it’s not so easy to maintain balance. You have to work at, keep trying and changing positions and make adjustments when necessary.
If you can laugh, you stop crying. We have to take any event and transform it into something that will enable us to grow.
Explore. There are always new things to discover, and things look different from different viewpoints.
Family is important. It’s your foundation for all your life lessons and whether you have bad experiences or good experiences– there is still a lesson inside.
Strong communication is important and so is learning how others around you communicate – what is said and not said, how it is said, what you think someone means and what they really meant.
Pulling hair is not a successful outcome of conflict.
A poopy diaper is just a poopy diaper. There is nothing spiritual about it.
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