Parental Guidance

loved and cried through this movie
so did one of the 10-year old boys who I brought with me
it was a happy-sad and a sad-happy

and it was a pathetic reflection of parenting today
rather, it was a perfect reflection of the pathetic parenting we do today

luckily, i have no movie memory (which means I can see a movie more than once because I won't remember any of the details) which means that i won't spoil anything if you haven't seen it yet

parents work so hard to be perfect parents
competition forces us to examine techniques and trainings and philosophies that would be otherwise irrelevant

we base our success on our children's abilities to achieve
and we define achievement by high test scores, getting into great schools, and being number one on the sports team

we are not the parents our parents were
we are afraid to let our children fail
to watch them move through disappointment
and to provide them the tools they might need to maneuver life 

because we might look weak 

we are experts in a field that most of received no schooling in and no prior training in
we are too vulnerable to talk about our mistakes, to ignore social trends that make no sense, or to just be present in parenting

we worry too much 
that we are not providing enough for our children
that we are making the wrong decisions for our children
that our children will miss out
that they won't find friendship
or a job
or a meaningful path through life

have we?

can we teach them what living is if we are not awakened ourselves?
can we teach them what success is if we attribute its measures to our financial status or how many vacations our family takes?
can we raise them to know what is right in the world if they do not see what is wrong?

Parental Guidance was a good movie. Hopefully, it made us all feel a bit foolish and inspired us to be conscientious in a different way, mindful in an abundant way, and to live according to values that will make a difference.

Rats & Jelly Beans

Cute, right?  Yeah, well - not so much when you find out that this little creature - who visited you in the fall of 2010 - chewed holes through your dishwasher's drain tube (though my slowness to catch up and stupidity may be shining bright right now; I prefer that it was the rat from 2010 and not a more recent visitor).

This hole in the dishwasher drain tube, recently discovered after a two-week attempt to figure out why my floor is rotting and why there has been a pool of water under my sink, has led to bigger and more complex problems.

First of all, the dishwasher was never installed properly in the first place. The dishwasher drain tube was crammed into a spout on the disposal that was too small for the tube. This means that our installers smushed the drain tube and shoved it into the space, meaning that our dishwasher never worked at 100% but was always compromised. Second, the dishwasher itself was glued into place. This made it difficult for the Bosh repairman to slide it out and assess what was wrong.  It also means he will not be able to reinstall it because he would not be able to stand behind that work.

Anyway, my purpose is not to rant about my dishwasher woes (yes, there is much more to tell) but - rather - to relay the enlightenment that can take place even in the midst of household hell. (Don't forget - the dishwasher/leak saga occurred during a period of time where I was hosting an event for over 40 people, where my children came home with lice, and my husband was out of the country).

In the middle of all these wonderful challenges, I had a lightbulb light up over my head.  Literally.  I felt it.  It nudged me.  

And, it said "I don't need to eat jelly beans just because..." My healthy eating habits were put on the back banner when my grandma died, my children came home with lice, I was too busy cooking, fill in the blank.  And, each time something else happened, I moved further and further away from the eater I wanted to be.  It was a gentle knock on the head saying that I really don't have to eat jelly beans or have chocolate or dive into comfort food because these things were happening.  Not only that, I didn't even really want to.  It was merely a habit that I no longer needed, but I had not separated myself from the physical act of the habit yet.

Hmmm... ponder that. 

I knew I would be tested again.  Sure enough, I was.  We had fevers in the house, final days of lice prevention hair washing, and bigger & deeper issues with the sink leaking.  I had not enough time in my days to catch up on the laundry (don't forget, lice means changing sheets every day, covering couches, and putting everything into the dryer for 15 minutes - including backpacks - on a daily basis).  I still have dishes in my garage from the lunch that happened two Saturdays ago (Not proud - but it's true.  The dishes were rinsed, but not washed and - frankly - I forgot about them).

I knew the tests would come.

I was ready.

I prepared.

But, I 'failed'.

And that's ok.

You can't wait for everything to subside.

You can't wait for the right moment.

You can't wait for life to slow down.

It's not going to.

You have to start now.

You have to do it in the midst of the chaos.

You have to do it while anticipating the next thing that will throw you off course.

"The time is now, the place is here. Stay in the present. You can do nothing to change the past, and the future will never come exactly as you plan or hope for." (Dan Millman)

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Lessons from lice adventures

I have the luxury of having been able to clear my calendar so that I could - literally - lather, rinse, repeat my children's hair for several days required.  I also have the luxury of being able to clear my calendar so that I can strip, load, heat, repeat.  Strip the beds, load them in the dryer, heat them up, put them back on the beds. Strip the couches (that are covered in extra sheets), load them in the dryer, heat them up, put them back on.  Attack the piles of coats (whether they've been worn or not), towels and bathroom rugs, and any clothes that have been worn since our lice diagnosis.

Combatting lice is a time-consuming process.  In an already crazy week, this could have been the thing that pushed me over the age.  And, if my consumption of jelly beans is telling, then - perhaps - it has pushed me over the edge. For ten minutes, I think I was over the edge - but I brought myself back and I've managed to stay on the right side of that edge.

I have these voices ringing my head.  (Don't worry - they are not exactly outside and they are not exactly inside- I am neither schizophrenic nor dissociative). The voices are memories or thoughts or inspirations reminding me that things can be much worse.  And, that - truly - I am thankful this is merely a inconvenience - a gross inconvenience, but just an inconvenience.

"I do not pray for a lighter load, but for a stronger back."  - Phillips Brooks

45 minutes to lather everyone up

30 minutes to sit there (while they're sitting I'm burning sheets and pillows, remaking beds, gathering backpacks and towels that did not make it to the burn pile....)

1.5 hours to rinse everyone off

repeat tomorrow

"Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so let us all be thankful."    -   Buddha