Practice Makes Progress...

... is a concept I overheard a dear friend share with her 7-year old daughter. It certainly introduces a better way of thinking than "practice makes perfect". And, it definitely sets our children up for more realistic success and the experience of pleasure during the process of achieving goals. Not to mention - in this fast paced, over-achieving, need to have more society that we are living in, it's nice to give our children a break here and there from the pressure.

From an adult perspective - especially that of a mother - I think it is a rather spiritual concept. I'm thinking specifically of my six-year old son who started kindergarten this year. We chose for him to be the oldest in his class rather than the youngest, and you'll soon know why.

After the start of school this year, I realized that in order to set up an environment where my son could successfully get ready in the morning, I had to rise early enough to get myself ready, finish packing the lunches and get anything else out of the way that I might normally do in the midst of everyone getting ready for school. I learned I couldn't rely on him to follow through on my directions and that the devotion of my time to him was crucial to a smooth morning.

Not only that, I could not dress the two younger ones while he sat next to me getting himself ready. It was essential to interact with him and help him, even though he didn't "need" help. Telling him to get dressed led to distraction, and I'd find him playing with Star Wars figures, building something out of Legos, or coloring in his room. My constant prodding, poking and even yelling still left us behind in the morning schedule, and our stress levels rose high trying to get into the car on time.

Check off charts provided immediate relief but did not sustain us over more than a few days. Setting timers and working as a family to beat the clock worked for only one day. So, I decided that devoted attention was the best way to resolve this problem. And, certainly, it has been.

The flip side of that is - I'm exhausted. Not only do I get a little less sleep because I have to wake up earlier, but it takes a lot of energy to stay focused while helping my son stay focused. If I wander away for a moment to take care of someone else, he will stray from the path of getting ready. I need to be on him, I need to be non-stop, I need to stay on top of the time and making sure everyone else is ready. It requires balance, skill, strategic planning (I do have a two and three year old who actually NEED my help to get ready in the morning) and finesse. It means I often forget to eat breakfast - a meal I never would have skipped before. It means I'm sucking in all his wandering energy while holding him steadily in place.

And, that brings me back to Practice Makes Progress. As I paused at the end of our week of staying on top of the morning schedule to welcome my husband back (after being gone all week) into the routine, I noted he is not actually part of this routine. His presence leads to a bit more chaos and distraction in the morning schedule (excitement to see daddy, play time, telling daddy everything he missed while he was gone, shattered hopes of staying home all day with daddy because we have to go to school and he has to go to work, etc). I have to kick it up a notch and I feel the old anxiety oozing back in. But, we make it. They're at school. And, I'm exhausted.

How can I keep this up? I have to do this again next week? But, practice makes progress. And, Aaron will make progress in his own abilities to get ready in the morning. And, I will make progress with my ability to direct the rhythms of morning readiness. And - beyond that - I will figure out what I need to do to refuel so that I am prepared to perform this routine again and again.

That might entail praying to G-d for my sanity, utilizing energy empowering exercises that my friends and family would roll their eyes at, talking aloud as though being filmed on a reality TV show or pretending my diet root beer is alcoholic.

Whatever the solution may be - practice makes progress. That is all I can expect of my children and that is all I can expect of myself. Thanks, Julie.

It's So Hard to Stop

Stopping is spiritual.

Have you ever been in a position where you ask your child to stop - stop playing their computer game? stop screaming & running through the house? stop with day time behavior and enter night time behavior?

You ask them to stop (after you've given your 15-minute, 10-minute and 5-minute warnings). You walk out of the room expecting that they will turn off the TV, put their things away and find something else to do. You walk back into the room 10 minutes later and find they are still playing the same game you left them playing.

You get angry. How dare you continue to play. I gave you warning. It doesn't matter if you're in the middle of a game. You knew you had five minutes left, so why would you start another game? Oh, I'm very disappointed.

Well, hold on. Think about your own night time routine. You know you should get to bed by a certain time because you know what time you have to wake up in the morning. How many hours of sleep do you need to function well? I need at least six, but eight will give me the cushion to allot for children waking me up in the middle of the night.

So, WHY do I find myself doing "one more thing" before I retire for the night? It's the same principle as above with our children.... kind of. We're not always engaged in something so fun, but we have things that need to get done. We don't always have time during the day to accomplish all our "things". We feel the pressure and overwhelm with all that we have to do.

But, stopping can be spiritual. Nurturing our bodies, which is what we do when we stop, can feed our soul. Taking the pause that we need will allow us to better accomplish the tasks we need to get done - the most important being - taking care of our children and enjoying our moments with them.

While it may be difficult to stop, we can be a model for our children (even if they don't observe us doing it) by following our own instructions. "It's time to stop. Go to bed. Enjoy some tea. Take a pause and stop doing.... at least for a moment."