Know When There's Love

Because when it's absent, it hurts. 

Pay attention to those little moments - when your children are so excited for cookies and milk, when they think you're the best mom ever, when they want to hold your hand as they come back to Earth after soaring through dreams all night. 

Savor the moments of family time - whether it's some extravagent vacation or an afternoon hike. Watch the sparkle in their eyes, the joy in their laughter, the kinship with their siblings. 

Pay attention to those little moments - when their hugs are so deep, when they won't leave for school without saying good-bye, when they make you feel like you are the luckiest parent in the world. 

Do not take love for granted. Do not let it go unnoticed. Set aside your things to do and your busyness - and bask in the love that is your children. 

Amelioration

The act of making something better. 

Did you know that?  I did not. Until I looked it up. The word was used in an essay my son wrote explaining how he likes to share information with friends in order to better - their lives? The world? I'm not sure what, but he does place lofty expectations on himself. 

What a good word it is though. And, no matter where you are in life - rethinking a career, celebrating or cringing after the last election, or just going along doing your own thing - we should all always be engaged in amelioration. 

"It's all good".  Whenever I say that to a certain friend of mine, she insists it is not all good. And, I know what she means. There are certain things you simply cannot call "good".  They are not good, nor will they ever be good. 

But stewing in their badness doesn't serve us either. And, believe me, I've been there. The tragic, early death of a friend might inspire one to seize and appreciate every moment, to love and live more deeply, to pursue joy more fearlessly. Me, however? I turned more cynical, somewhat bitter, and fearful of getting too close to anything or anyone. 

Living in that "it's not all good" space is not healthy. Nor is it fulfilling. And you certainly won't find much joy there. In times that wear us down, scare us, or make us feel hopeless - we must find the "good". We must work to turn the evil into better, to let the sadness lead us to joy again, to overcome fear and live loudly. 

We must engage in amelioration - the act of making something better. Don't accept that "it is what it is". You have the power to make it something different.  Find the peace in sorrow. Find the fire in grief. Find perseverance in fear. And move it all forward into something better. 

Make Your Mama Proud

I'm somewhat shamefully admitting that we've watched a lot of TV in the past few weeks. America's Got Talent, Chopped and other cooking competition shows (Cake Wars), and American Ninja Warrior have been top on our viewing list.

I've noticed one rather disturbing consistency. Aside from the fact that it's basically the same show over and over again.... Many of the contestants are in the show to "make someone proud".  

The contestants are on the show to make their children proud, their deceased mother, family in the country they've left behind, their boss at the very well known and famous restaurant....

And then they "lose".  "I just wanted to make my children proud."; "I wanted to show my family I left for a good reason."; "I let them down."

Do these people - these adult people - truly believe that it is their winning that makes their families proud? Is their mother not proud simply because they've taken a risk in the first place to come on the show? Is their family not proud of the fact that this person is following their dream and doing the best they can?

I hope that most of these people return home and realize their families are proud of them just for being themselves. I hope they are not berated for not winning, and that they receive massive points from their family members just for trying!

The smartest solution is probably to stop watching these shows, but - when you're tied up in bed - they are an easy time-filler. Instead, I've made it a habit now to point out the ridiculousness of this act to achieve pride. I always remark that I hope their families are proud of them for coming on the show, for doing what they love, and for being who they are. 

And, I always look for the opportunity to tell my children how proud I am of them - not for the things they achieve - but for the people who they are!

*HUGS*

I hate to admit this - I was annoyed yesterday by the amount of hugs incoming sixth (I had to change that as I wrote fifth grade at first) grade boy was asking for. I'm not a person who needs a lot of physical attention - at least I didn't think I was. 

Sixth grade boy does. He is a snuggler. Rub his head and he melts like butter. As he wakes up in the morning, he needs a touch of the hand. I always say he needs help coming down from the heavens each morning. And he likes his hugs - every time he passes you in the house; when he leaves for school; when he sees you AT school - lots of hugs. 

I KNOW. I should relish in that and cherish that and stand for 15 minutes with him in a hugging embrace. And, now, perhaps, I will. 

But yesterday, I was annoyed and impatient. I even considered that he was in the midst of some Freudian-love-for-mother phase. I offer my apologies to the goddess of peace and calm and all that is right in the world. 

Listening to Sara Gottfried this morning (hormonal expert and - yes - the peri-menopausal stuff is really happening), I was reminded of a good friend - oxytocin.  Oxytocin is the 'love' hormone. While it is released during labor and helps the uterus contract, it is also released when you hug someone. 

Hugging someone and raising your oxytocin levels not only makes you feel good - it lowers your cortisol levels. Cortisol is a hormone released by the adrenals in response to stress or your perception of stress. When you raise your  oxytocin, you decrease your cortisol and subsequently find yourself at your happy place. 

So, today, I'll focus on giving and getting those hugs. No half-assed, quick hip hugs - but the full embrace! ( personal space invasion accepted with joy)