Know When There's Love

Because when it's absent, it hurts. 

Pay attention to those little moments - when your children are so excited for cookies and milk, when they think you're the best mom ever, when they want to hold your hand as they come back to Earth after soaring through dreams all night. 

Savor the moments of family time - whether it's some extravagent vacation or an afternoon hike. Watch the sparkle in their eyes, the joy in their laughter, the kinship with their siblings. 

Pay attention to those little moments - when their hugs are so deep, when they won't leave for school without saying good-bye, when they make you feel like you are the luckiest parent in the world. 

Do not take love for granted. Do not let it go unnoticed. Set aside your things to do and your busyness - and bask in the love that is your children. 

Make Your Mama Proud

I'm somewhat shamefully admitting that we've watched a lot of TV in the past few weeks. America's Got Talent, Chopped and other cooking competition shows (Cake Wars), and American Ninja Warrior have been top on our viewing list.

I've noticed one rather disturbing consistency. Aside from the fact that it's basically the same show over and over again.... Many of the contestants are in the show to "make someone proud".  

The contestants are on the show to make their children proud, their deceased mother, family in the country they've left behind, their boss at the very well known and famous restaurant....

And then they "lose".  "I just wanted to make my children proud."; "I wanted to show my family I left for a good reason."; "I let them down."

Do these people - these adult people - truly believe that it is their winning that makes their families proud? Is their mother not proud simply because they've taken a risk in the first place to come on the show? Is their family not proud of the fact that this person is following their dream and doing the best they can?

I hope that most of these people return home and realize their families are proud of them just for being themselves. I hope they are not berated for not winning, and that they receive massive points from their family members just for trying!

The smartest solution is probably to stop watching these shows, but - when you're tied up in bed - they are an easy time-filler. Instead, I've made it a habit now to point out the ridiculousness of this act to achieve pride. I always remark that I hope their families are proud of them for coming on the show, for doing what they love, and for being who they are. 

And, I always look for the opportunity to tell my children how proud I am of them - not for the things they achieve - but for the people who they are!

Everything Shifts

I'm finally 'unpacking' from my week long stay in Chicago.  I still had my carry on bag items stacked on the floor of my closet. Perhaps I wasn't ready to close the door on my grandfather's death. The books and papers still not put away - a reminder of a life; an entry into contemplation of my grandfather's life and the lessons it held; a reason to pause from whatever it was that had me so busy...

I put the Haggadah - the book I took from his shelves - and the prayer book he used when he performed weddings (It was a Machzor, by the way.  It must have been the perfect size to hold and had all of his new-couple speeches tucked inside - in both English and Spanish) on a shelf in my office.

It didn't quite fit, and as I slid it on the shelf - the picture next to it fell over, the heart rocks had to be moved, and the animal fetishes needed to be lifted and placed on top of those new things on my shelf.  "Everything just shifts over," I thought.

And, yes. Yes, it does.  With death, everything shifts.  Nothing is - nor will it ever be - as it was.  Sometimes that's really painful. Sometimes it's filled with sadness - or, perhaps, relief.

Things will shift.  And, we will find a way to adjust.  We will find a way to keep you present in this world and in our lives while moving on at the same time.  We will continue to honor the contributions you made to our lives and to the world, and we will find a way to forgive the mistakes and oversights that were made along the way. We will hold on and release.  Celebrate and mourn. Cling to each other a little more tightly or - perhaps - we will push away.  

The world will never be quite the same. 

Love is All Around You

Last Year:  July 1st, 2015

The laughter?  

Due to the fact that this was the 7th time 

we heard the same exact speech.

I believe - when we die, we return to love.  That in the beginning and in the end and all through the middle - the most important piece of life is love. 

Love is the space where there is peace.  Love is the feeling that all is ok in the world.  Love is a delighted soul and a curious mind. Love is comfort, and love brings joy.

If you believe the teachings of my friend, the 'ghost whisperer' (my affectionate term) - we receive messages from those who have passed on.  A plant that hasn't bloomed in ten years.  A glance at the clock at a certain time every day.  A hummingbird fluttering close.  Or, if you happen to have had a friend like mine with bounce-bounce curls and a sparkle in her eye and her life - your message may come in a more unique way - say, a fly or something much too wild to write down on paper.

Love is all around you.  Do you take note of the love messages given to you throughout the day?  Do you appreciate the blooming rose out your kitchen window?  Do you marvel at the sunset and the sunrise each day?  Does your heart fill with joy as you watch the hummingbird land in its nest to sit upon its eggs?

Mine does.  And, whether it is an observation of Mother Nature or a "sign" from a loved one who has passed on - these moments are all around us.  They are constantly occurring, and it is up to us to embrace them - or ignore them.

Since my Pops passed away early Saturday morning, I have seen more hearts than usual.  It's almost freaking me out.  The angle at which I looked at my pool - the ice cream drip that fell on the floor - the onion peel that girl baby handed me (she saw it too) - the cracks in the floor I never noticed before - the base of a tree that was weathered away...

My response? "I see that.  Love is all around me."

In Loving Memory of my Pops - Judge BB Wolfe 

July 1, 1914 - April 9, 2016

That's a nice, long life!

October 1st, I-Hop, and Cottage Cheese Pancakes

As always, since 2012, on October 1st - I took my children to I-Hop.  It's a bit difficult, explaining to the host, that we did not come to eat.  We came seeking out an elderly person or couple - for whom we could buy dinner.

I-Hop was one of my grandma's favorite places - and probably one of the last places we sat with her, all together in our extended family.  So, my children and I go to I-Hop each year looking for someone to buy a meal for.

Sometimes we tell them we'd like to buy their dinner, and sometimes - like tonight - we just do it anonymously.  If I do speak to the person, I always tell them - though we are buying their meal in honor of my grandmother, they are far too young for her.  :)  Tonight, our gift was anonymous, but we told our story three times - to the host, to the chef, and to the server.

Ah, grandma!  I came home and made gf pancakes and (non gf) waffles for my children... and cottage cheese pancakes (a gram-ma-ma specialty) for myself.  I must admit - I made the cottage cheese pancakes gluten free, and as soon as I noticed that they became a bit rubbery as they cooled off - I quickly gobbled them up - slathered with jelly the way a cottage cheese pancake is supposed to be eaten.  All 24 or so of them.  Yep.

I crave the wisdom of my grandmother and wish I'd had the energy for more and deeper conversation.  What did she think as a young mother raising three boys?  How did she feel as a young widow, living so long without my Poppy Harold and waiting anxiously to 'join' him again?  What was life like?

To me - she was my grandma.  Always happy.  Always giving.  Always watching.  Always loving us.  

What was it like when she finally had to stop working?  When she realized she wouldn't travel anymore?  What did she think about?  Wish for?  Dream of?

Grandma always said it straight.  "Lisa-luh, looks like you put on a few pounds."   Aw!  If grandma said it, it was probably true. 

In some ways, it seems such a short time ago and, in other ways, it seems like she's been gone for so long.  Every year, I have to sit and think about how many years my grandma has been gone from this world.  

I reach for messages.  Guiding wisdom about my life.  Inspiration to move forward and stay positive.  Answers to unknown questions.  Miraculous insights.  Whenever I ask, I am given - a heart rock.  My mom?  A blooming flower in a plant that hasn't bloomed in years... or ever.

I can't believe it is the end of another October 1st.

I'm not ready.

I didn't say enough.

I want more time.

To reflect.

To be.

To love.