The Boy Who Hates His Sister

He treats her like her girl-cooties are contagious. He won't sit next to her at the dinner table or partner up with her in siblings against siblings games. The day I think they are finally going to become friends had arrived. 

We are going to the amusement park, and she likes to ride the roller coasters that their oldest brother won't touch with ten-foot pole. He won't have to ride alone anymore. But, no, even the thrill connection is not enough to form a bond between them.

Is she an easy target for his pre-adolescent anxiety? First time at overnight camp is coming up right around the corner. Sandwiched between two boys, is the girl thing too much for him to handle? Is her growing brilliance a threat to the "brains" in the family? 

Her ability to push his buttons, touch his weak spots, and toy with his emotions triggers unnecessary arguments, rage, and hatred. We watch patiently waiting for this phase to pass and love to blossom - or at least tolerance.

But he continues to get up when she sits down on the couch, won't accept the special gem she has selected to send him off to camp with, and won't go on one last ride at the amusement park if he has to ride with her.

We'll continue to be patient. We will continue the conversations and try to make him understand and care about the feelings his actions elicit in his sister. We will even demand that his behavior changes and follow through on consequences for choosing evil. We will reward small steps that show he is trying to make a change. We will protect him when her claws are extended.

What will it take to make the boy like his sister? We may have to wait until 2020 when he's in 11th grade and she's in 7th grade, and he wants to date one of her friends. More like 2023 - at the earliest.

When the boy who hates his sister began to cry the night before he was to leave for two weeks of overnight camp, I tried to use the sister thing to help him out. "Think about it," I said, "You'll have two weeks away from your annoying sister.  It will be great."  For some reason, he didn't think that was great and continued to cry through the night and for several hours the next morning.

As we were saying good bye at the camp drop off site, the boy who hates his sister was tightly clinging to his dad and me. He gave us great hugs that said "I hope I survive this.  I don't know if I can be without you for so long."  He turned to the brother staying behind and gave him a loving, deep hug.

I asked if he wanted to high-five his sister, and he turned and walked on the bus.