A Place of My Own

Not too long ago, a friend of mine who recently had her first baby asked me how I was adjusting to my newly acquired third (boy). She marveled at how a mom could manage three when one was hard enough.

I told her two seemed easy when three came along and one seemed easy after two – but you have to take “easy” within context because the challenges and difficulties exist within each.

With one, you learn how to never sleep, how to hold a baby all day long and still get things done. You’re learning how to be a parent, adjusting to the responsibilities – not only of the caretaking but the responsibility to love, to worry, to teach and to provide for this separate piece of you. You’re learning about living a life that doesn’t fully belong to you anymore.

When two comes (and my first two were close together), you have to learn how to keep the first one quiet so you can rock the second one to sleep (or better yet, you have to develop peace of mind so you don’t lose it when you can’t keep number one quiet). You have to occupy the time of the older while feeding the younger and still provide adequate supervision for the older. You have to plan schedules around two nap times which means at least one child will always be napping at any given point in the day and you will be stuck in the house – ALL DAY!

With three, you just have to learn to exist with no rhythm and all chaos. You have to let go of all the controls you created to manage life with two. You truly have to go with the flow and just live in the present moment (and, I’d recommend a daily calendar to list all of your present moments – or you might miss one – as I often do).

One, two or three – nine or ten children – every parent has a most difficult and important task before them – to raise highly functioning children who will go out into the world and make good choices as they discover who they are and what they can contribute to society. And, in the midst of teaching, providing a good role model, encouraging and inspiring our children – their job is to push our buttons, challenge us beyond anything we’ve ever been challenged by, and make us question every move, every choice, every action, and every belief we’ve ever had.

Not too long after our email conversation, my friend emailed me again – what did I think four would be like, she wanted to know. I think four would put me in the insane asylum… but, lately, I’ve wanted a place of my own.

©2005 LisaPinkus