Mama

I often feel guilty or wrong or pity-seeking when I make my claim that motherhood stress is harder than job stress. Having been in - both - the working world and the parenting world - I feel like I have solid evidence for my assertion.

Real world stress does not compare to parental stress and maybe that's the final answer. They are two different things. With "real world" stress, you don't often feel guilty for treating a loved one in a way that you would never treat a stranger, or a boss or a co-worker. In the "real world", there are deadlines and budgets and competition and loads of work to get done in a day that is too short. In a mother's reality, there are time constraints and fiscal planning and too little hours in a day to get it all done.

But, at the end of the day - does it matter how much money we brought home or how much we achieved at work? When we pass before G-d after we die, what is it that we are asked? We are judged by how we lived our lives. The pressure, then, for a mother (and father) to ensure that their children live lives filled with good decisions, actions of integrity and meaningful purpose is immense. Not to mention the anxiety when we do not live up to our own expectations and when we do not model that which we want our children to see.

I contemplate the roles of mothers - frequently. I think, as I have in the past, about mothers of yesteryear who had to chop the wood to make a fire to warm the water to wash their hands... and I think about motherhood now. Our roles may be different - difficult in new ways - but the dedication of motherhood is the same year after year.

That devotion is immense in the early years when children are completely dependent upon their parents. Then the children grow up, and a new level of freedom is reached. You observe mothers beginning to do things for themselves - like working out on a regular basis and at a normal time, or going back to school or starting a new job. But, you see them taking time for themselves.

At first, I thought I would feel guilty doing "nothing". And, lately, I realize you have to look at the big picture before you make a judgment. A mother is often nothing but a mother in the early and middle years of her children's lives. The mother part never ends - mom always has to be there - for heartbreaks and simcha planning and surgeries and the birth of grandchildren and anything else that happens in her children's lives.

When the children are older, there is a bit of a reprieve - brief as it may be. There may be a few years, and then mom jumps right back in. This time, perhaps, as grandma. And I see my mom helping out my brothers and I with babysitting and worrying and taking care of things. I also see my mom taking care of her father and my father's mother, both - thank G-d who are in their mid 90's and doing very well. But, they still have greater needs now that they are older and more doctor's appointments. My mom is their caretaker and their chauffeur and their manager and their scheduler...

Her days are filled again with phone calls to check in and driving to appointments and contacting doctors for test results and referrals - between babysitting for her grandchildren, listening to her daughter across the miles ache about her day, having lunch with a friend and - maybe - sitting down to read a book. Her days are often not her own.

Thanks, Mom.... for being my mom... and teaching me - really - truly - what motherhood is supposed to look like.

Once a mom, always a mom. There's no going back.