High Maintenance

The night away was probably not as important, but the day was essential. I am not a high maintenance woman - at least not in the physical world. But, I realized, as I packed my bag for a brief getaway, that I am a high maintenance gal in the spiritual world.

I loaded nine books into my suitcase, three notepads, a notebook and training manual for a committee project, and book of Tehillim (Psalms). I spent the first part of my getaway catching up - I completed entering my January receipts into my IPhone budget recorder. I heated water in the sunbeam hot water heater I brought with me and made some pomegranate raspberry tea. I brought along my new monthly calendar - perfect for tech moms whose lives have been transferred to their phones but who still crave their paper calendars (www.bizzi2go.com), and I entered my year's worth of info into it.

I watched TV, thinking I could sleep as late as I wanted but also aware that I wanted to make good use of my day away. And, indeed, I did.

The committee I'm chairing is at my oldest sons' school, and it's the Green Initiative Committee - our first project being a program of Hazon called Tuv Ha'Aretz. Hazon "works to create a healthier and more sustainable Jewish community - as a step towards a healthier and more sustainable world for all".

Tuv Ha'Aretz is the community supported agriculture (CSA) program, and our school is the first school participant. I am most intrigued and my passion fully ignited by the concept of sustainability. The Head of School recently used that term when he explained to me how he entered the field of education - even before he had his own children. He wanted to do his part to sustain the future of Jewish children - and to ensure that it was done right.

And, here I am - on brief sabbatical - sustaining my sanity, the future of my children and my motherhood strengths - by taking time for my Self. Sometimes we need to go away in order to return to our core. And, while I am not participating in any ritualistic activities or deep meditations as I have done in the past, I am still in the process of finding my way back. Sometimes it takes a tragedy (G-d forbid) to remind us of that which is important and sometimes we just need some peace and quiet.

The evolution of motherhood has brought us to an era where mom's responsibilities, worries and dreams have grown increasingly harsh. And, as I type that, I think to myself "how dare I say that mothers today have it harder than mothers of the past". After all, I do not think that mothers from hundreds of years ago were concerned with "time for themselves" or "going to the spa to unwind" or "a getaway with the girls". Rather, I imagine that there time was all consumed with digging holes to light fires and bake bread or stacking wood to make a fire to heat the house or hoping that there husband would return with food for their children to last through the winter.

But, the fact is - we are where we are now. And, today's mothers often keep the house, raise the children, prepare the food and work for a living. Today's mothers are permitted to dream beyond the scope of their families. Today's mothers require time for refueling, building up their reserves and refocusing on the important things.

What IS life if it is not to ensure that the future will exist for our children? And, how fulfilled can our own lives be if we are living off-purpose? And, how easy is it to fall off track as we get caught up in the mundane activities we must complete and the human emotions we cannot avoid experiencing?

I really enjoyed my time alone. I did not delve too deep while I was gone. But, sometimes I can see enough (at least for now) when snorkeling along the top.