Oxygen

Moms, why don't we speak to each other more often? Not about who is struggling in school or who made the soccer team or how busy our days are. But, about mothering things. 

Like children pushing our buttons. And the mommy moments we wish didn't happen (but are relieved to hear that our mommy friends also had). Or the limits our children push us to - really push us to.

The things that make us say "I suck at this". "I can't take another day" or "What did I get myself into?"

It was so nice to speak with a friend today and learn that we are living with the same children. The one who can't get up in the morning, takes a lot of prodding... a lot, needs to be reminded to 
'get going' while in the shower, 'get out' and 'you have one more minute - last time I'm telling you'. 

The child who shrieks - at least once a day. Well, really - once in the morning and once in the evening. And, we've learned that the shriek does not symbolize anything real so we call from another room: "You're fine. Do you want an ice pack?  Come and get it."

We both have the child with a bit (ok, a lot) of anxiety. Maneuvering through life is difficult. Watching that pushes our buttons. We can only handle observing panic in our children for so long or so many times a day.  And, then it's time for them to go live in someone else's house.

But, then we realize we should be a different mother. The one who knows their child so well and knows what he or she needs and can actually give it to them without consulting a therapist. Or at least we should be the mother who is patient and understanding and supportive. The one with the magic key to turn off the panic and instill calm. 

There is the child who is starting to sass and observe our stupidity and is not afraid to let us know it. They are establishing their independence but they are babies. They are lost but they know where they want to go. Their attitudes sometimes smack us across the face in an unexpected burst.

We also both have the child who brings sweetness to every moment. Who makes us think that parenthood could be easy and calm and delightful - all the time. 

My friend and I, we acknowledged how essential it is for mothers to nurture themselves in order to be a better person for their children. The oxygen mask - put it on first, before you put it on your children if, G-d forbid, there is an emergency on the plane. I told the flight attendant that I always put myself first. I hope he knows I was joking. Then again, I hope he recognized what a great mom I am to put myself first.