This is a Test. This is Only a Test.

My time was interrupted by lunchtime. Ellie was up, and my babysitter was still out with Isaac. So it was Ellie, me and a jar of peas. I didn’t want to waste any time – my motto is “As long as I’m doing something, I’m getting it done.” So, I brought over my lunch and decided to interview her.

I posed my first question. “What exactly is spirituality?” She ignored me and looked outside. Or, was that her answer?

My babysitter returned and took Ellie from me. I was left to my own demise. I thought M&M’s might help. They didn’t. I had been struggling with this one for awhile.

My spirituality is kept in a big, green box on the top shelf of the closet in my daughter’s bedroom. It contains records of my soul searching, dreams of changing the world and memoirs of events that I had found spiritually uplifting.

Probably the most extraordinary and life changing event that occurred in my life was the births of my children. Not for the physical experience of birthing and raising children (though that was and continues to be pretty intense) but for the spiritual experience of which I, still, cannot quite put my finger on.

What I do know is that my children observe intently and learn immensely from every action I make. And, that means I have a lot of work to do improving the way I live and ensuring that I am living according to the values I believe in.

I want my children to learn from me - how to respond appropriately when they feel so angry they could explode. I want them to watch me as I take action in the community standing up for the things I believe in. I want them to hear me communicating in a way that allows them to feel comfortable and unafraid of words. I want them to believe that their purpose in this world has a lot do with how they relate to others, what contributions they make to the generations after them and that the bigger picture - though harder to see – is often more important. These are life long lessons and ones I continue to face on a daily basis.

I don’t want my children to feel the wrath of their impatient mama. I don’t want them to be afraid of getting yelled at if they do something wrong. I don’t want them to wonder if their mommy and daddy love each other. I want my children to feel a calm and peacefulness whenever they are in their home. I want them to be ok with making mistakes. I want them to feel they can explore life in their own unique way. I want them to always know how much their mommy and daddy love them.

I don’t want my children to be envious of what other children have or get to do. I don’t want my children to do things only because someone asks them to. I don’t want my children to be waited on hand and foot or to get everything they ask for.

I want to teach my children to appreciate whatever it is that they have- no matter how much or how little. I want my children to take the initiative and to do mitzvoth (good deeds) for others. I want my children to learn that life has rewards and life has disappointments and they can live successfully through both.

Teaching my children how to live and how to strive for higher ground is a difficult task. Therein lies the spiritual journey of motherhood and the harsh reality that we don’t always pay attention to daily life, nor live up to our own expectations. Within the ordinary are such extraordinary moments – each one containing invaluable impact on the generations to follow. Life is the test and finding spirituality is the means with which to survive.

It is a few hours later and my sitter has left. Isaac is asleep and Ellie won’t nap. I didn’t quite reach my thoughts yet. I think the answers lie in the Hershey’s Kisses I’m about to eat....



Don’t cry over spilled peas. Life will hand you many messes. A wet paper towel can clean most of them up in a jiffy.

If you scream loud enough and long enough, someone will answer.

Explore the world as though you are seeing it for the first time. Each moment is a new moment in life and we have the opportunity to seize it or let it pass us by.

It takes persistence to master a task. Whether it’s learning to hold a spoon or learning to be awake through life, success takes persistence.

Balance is hard. Unless you have a big rump like my third born son, it’s not so easy to maintain balance. You have to work at, keep trying and changing positions and make adjustments when necessary.

If you can laugh, you stop crying. We have to take any event and transform it into something that will enable us to grow.

Explore. There are always new things to discover, and things look different from different viewpoints.

Family is important. It’s your foundation for all your life lessons and whether you have bad experiences or good experiences– there is still a lesson inside.

Strong communication is important and so is learning how others around you communicate – what is said and not said, how it is said, what you think someone means and what they really meant.

Pulling hair is not a successful outcome of conflict.

A poopy diaper is just a poopy diaper. There is nothing spiritual about it.