"feels like some kind of ride but it’s turning out just to be life going absolutely perfectly…" (Brian Andreas story people)
I know why the boy who hates his sister is here to hate his sister. His role is much like that of a Zen master. He is here to remind me to pay attention to each moment. And, a simple moment really stands out when you have the boy who hates his sister in your family. When there is a tender moment between boy and sister, it melts your heart down to the core. It warms your soul such that nothing in the world can be bad. It shows you that moments happen all the time and you merely need to open your eyes to them.
It helps one be a mindful mommy and it draws one toward living a mindful life.
Striving in parenthood. It is hard to avoid. It is hard not to beat yourself up, second guess all of your parenting decisions, to examine and re-examine your parenting "skills". The practice of mindfulness tells us to let go of the striving and to be right here, right now.
I want my children to listen to me.
I want them to stop what they are doing and do what I ask them to do.
I want them to do it immediately.
I do not like asking a second or a third time.
I do not get involved in my children's homework.
I believe it is their responsibility.
I don't do their art projects or help them with their reports.
I don't tell them how to do it even though I may have a different idea or think they should do it differently.
I never made them put the eyes or the legs in the correct place.
I never interfere with their art. Ever.
Isn't living their own lives another expression of the art within them?
I want my children to develop inner wisdom. Pride. Self-reliance. Confidence. I want them to have a solid identity.
I want them to listen. Dare I say to be perfect?
So, really, it's about me. I step in stomping when they don't listen or when the house is a mess because their things are not put away or when I realize they've been on the computer all day.
Because I haven't lived up to my own expectations. I feel - not out of control but not in control. My vision is not playing out the way I'd like it to. My (ideal) vision is not playing out. I like things done my way - don't my children know that (she says with a twinkle in her eye).
And, then, I pause. And, I remind myself about what really matters. And, I'm proud to have a (messy) house because it shows that my children are busy making memories.
They step up to the plate when I need them to. They clean up their rooms when "it's necessary". They help out around the house.
They are also kind to others. They make good choices most of the time. They enjoy the moment, whatever that moment is. That is what I want - for my children to live. To embrace. To be inspired. To feel joy. Loved. At ease.
Mindful children….. who look down when they leave the bathroom and take their dirty clothes to the hamper without my mindful reminder.
"This is a special bike that’s not very good at listening to excuses, so it takes you exactly where you really want to go & if you kick & scream it makes you pedal harder & go up steeper hills until you’re too out of breath to complain & after awhile, if you’re lucky, you start to see that it doesn’t really matter if you laugh or cry, because it just wants to ride like the wind…" (Brian Andreas story people)
